Just thoughts...

Many people sit and think...
Many people sit and wonder...
Many people wish and hope and pray...
And then, some people... just DO.

And that is what I'm DOing. I'm going on with my life. I'm living.
DO i struggle... YES.
DO i miss my late Fiance'... YES.
DO i miss my Daughter... YES.

But that doesn't mean i have to stop living. I'm still grieving for them BOTH. I'm still hurting for them BOTH. Are people hating on me and sending me nasty messages, emails, and pms on fb... YES. But, that isn't stopping me from moving on.

Its very difficult for me to move on to allow myself to be loved by another Man. Its harder than i've ever imagined. BUT, the Man i've chosen, has stood by my side & stood by my children's side as they have lashed out, yelled, acted out and is going through their own version of grief. My BoyFriend understands this and yet still holds my hand and listens to what i have to say when i talk about my Late Fiance'. He holds me when I cry for him. He doesn't look at me any different, but looks at me with such love and devotion in his eyes. For that I'm blessed.

Memories that had been made are still there. New memories are being created to add to this wonderful Book of mine, called My Life! I've written my book, and in hard times allowed others to write my book for me, but that is and never will happen again. I'm my own editor. Choices have been made, things have been sacrificed but in the end, i'll have my family whole again soon.

I'm also writing a book on my Daughters Travel Home. (from Maryland to Indiana). A very loving friend has offered to bring her all the way home. Picking her up from my Dad and taking her with her and her family on their road trip! Taking pictures and telling a story of her Journey Home. That is the title of the book. I'm so excited to have been blessed with Friends that love and care about me. When she contacted me and told me she would do it, i burst in to tears reading the message.

I know i've lost so much this past year, and I know with the Anniversary of Alexandria's death, just weeks away, I still hope that I've helped others in their journey for peace with the Loss of a Loved one... especially a Child.

Its not easy, don't let anyone tell you that. But if you have a WHOLE Heart, and a STRONG Will... You (yes, you reading this) YOU can conquer anything in this world! I hope i've given you the strength that you need to say to yourself "I CAN DO THIS".


I love you all so much, and my family has been blessed by soo many of you being in it.


Thank you. I will continue to write this blog, i will continue to share my story. Its a journey, you have ALL taken with me.