Wow, the next chapter in my life began when i married this man, John Geiger September 13, 2018. Yes, i did it folks, i got married... for the last time. As many of my readers have been following me since the beginning, let me go back to the beginning.
May 8th, 2015 is a day i will never forget. My fiance' (at the time) and i had decided to go out on the Harley for a celebratory ride to the Brick. (this place has the best hamburgers around). Well, at exactly 5:32 pm, my life, my families life would be changed. You see, John and I lost control of our motorcycle and in our attempt to get to a safe place and try to stop; John pushed me off the back of the motorcycle (as my part of the seat was low to the ground), he tells me to roll. So, i did. In all of this rolling, i never lost sight of John or the bike. I got so mad (because i felt like i'd been rolling for a very long time) that i dug my elbows into the ground to keep me from rolling and instead i slid on them (grass rash, very bad). As i dug in and started to slow down, i watched in horror as John was still on the bike, hit a huge pvc pipe in the ground with the bike and i watched him fly through the air, landing just feet from me. I crawled as fast as i cold to get to him, and rolled him over. He wasn't breathing, so i gave him breath. Little did i know that he had a punctured lung and his entire left side from shoulder to waist was broken and shattered in to pieces. As he came to, he spoke two lines: I love you, I love you. He never spoke again.
Our dearest friend who was riding with his wife behind us on their bike almost wrecked trying to stop to help us. Harvey, without a care for his safety, walked into traffic to flag down an ambulance that was en route to another call. The ambulance driver called dispatch to have another ambulance dispatched to the call they had been assigned to because they came across us.
The ambulance driver and her staff where amazing! She let me ride with them, (something that they don't due normally she said), because i was hurt too. I told the gal i didn't care that i was hurt, we just needed to get their quickly because of my fiance's condition. They tried very hard to get him to come around and talk, but they couldn't. They worked on him to get him stable enough that when we got to the hospital, i was able to give him a kiss and tell him i loved him before they Life Flighted him to Louisville.
Minutes passed and turned into hours. Those hours turned into days, and then weeks.
Then, the unthinkable happened.
The worst thing a parent could ever here.
My Father called me 15 days after my accident and told me my Oldest Daughter, Alexandria had gone missing. My dad asked me if i'd heard from her that day. When i told him no, but had spoken to her the night before, he told me to stay by the phone. I asked what was wrong, and he said "probably nothing, but answer when i call next". So i went on with preparing my food because i'd just come from the hospital and i was hungry.
The phone rang again...
It was my Father calling to tell me that they found my Daughter and that she was gone. Me not putting two and two together said "gone where? did her and her dad get into a fight again?" My dad repeated to me, Holly she's gone. I again ask "where"? I heard the paid in his voice when he said "Holly, Alexandria shot herself, she's dead".
I yelled at my dad, told him he was a lair and that this wasn't funny. I asked him why he would say such a horrid thing to me, knowing that i had just spoken to her the nigh before and that we had plans for me to come get her that Sunday.
I remember hitting the floor and screaming. I could hear my Mom in the background yelling " Holly i'm soo sorry, i'm soo sorry". As i could hear her cries just as she heard mine. I couldn't think. I couldn't breath. I felt as if i had just been hit and had the wind knocked out of me. I couldn't see straight. But i was at a friends and had to make it home to my kids.
Then it hit me, how am i going to tell them about their Sister? How was i going to tell my children that my daughter, there sister, committed suicide? This isn't a conversation that ANYONE wants to talk about, let alone a parent telling the rest of the kids. I thought about this on the drive home (which took about 15 minutes but felt like 30). I can't remember exactly how it all came out. But, i sat down, well, i crumpled to the floor in the living room and told them what had happened.
I was then on the phone with everyone in the family to help make arrangements and tried to sort things out to when and how things would be arranged for Alexandria. Burial plans for a child is NEVER easy. Especially when she is your own.
Alexandria will always be with me. I see her in her siblings! She was perfect in every way. She was the 1st love of my life. She gave me a life, when she became my life. I fell in love with her before she was born. Alexandria came into this world on her own, and she left on her own. Am i mad at her. Hell NO. I'm more sad than anything. But like i said, she is always with me. And i believe that she knows i love her more than life itself, and would trade places with her in a heartbeat.
As i was handling the death of my Daughter and attempting to hold it all together for my other 5 kiddos, my fiance' wasn't getting any better. They couldn't get him to wake, nor to communicate enough to indicate decisions of any kind. We thought we saw a small amount of change, and then John had a stroke. Which, in my opinion, took away any hope we had of him making any type of recovery.
John held on for 10 months. I sat with him every day for 8 of those 10 months. You see his 2 boys moved him to Northern Indiana (close to Chicago where Johns folks lived), and i wasn't allowed to see him. Neither did they give my children and I a chance to say goodbye. Because John was in the process of adopting my youngest 2 boys. We'd been together for 5 years. John was the only Father these two had known. But i did tell the boys that their Daddy will always love them and always be with them. They cherish the things they did with John, and as they should, he was their Daddy!
My life has been through soo many ups and a hell of a lot of downs. This next chapter in my life is, well, amazing! I never thought i'd ever find love. Or that i would allow myself to be loved. I allowed myself to fill with anger. Anger that the universe had taken two of the most precious people in my life away from me. To make myself think, "i don't want anyone to love me so much that they would give their own life for mine". But i was thinking all wrong. It wasn't that i wasn't worthy of love, but that i was SCARED of love. (yea, think about that for a moment). To be scared of LOVE? I know you're probably thinking to yourself, "what the hell is she talking about". Well think about it a moment. People say love is blind, right. Well, what if LOVE could be soo deep between two people that it just scared the hell out of you... What if LOVE, was a special gift that you only got so many times in YOUR lifetime. (like ONCE). But what if you became scared of LOVE and you wouldn't let anyone in, or even close to your heart because of the FEAR that they would love you just as deeply as you love(d) them.
So as i was in my "i'm never going to love again" or "i'm never dating again" phase, i found my Diamond in the Rough at a place i was working at. We struck up a conversation thanks to Nintendo actually. I had heard about the Switch (game system for those that don't know) and wanted to get reviews on it before i purchased one for my kiddos. Well, this mans name is John, and he and i struck up a conversation about this system... and that was it. It felt as though a veil had been lifted from in front of my eyes and i could see. I mean i could see the world and all of the treasures it held. I saw John (whom i'd worked with for almost 5 months before this).
December 31st of 2017 was our first date. That day i knew, John was the one for me. We dated for a while, and then September 13, 2018 we got married in front of the Jeffersonville IN Court House (just like we wanted).
So as you can see, this Next Chapter is going to be amazing!
Gratefully Yours,
Holly Geiger
