Hi Everyone!
I know its been a minute since i have done a post. (my apologies). I can honestly say, that Thanksgiving dinner was the turning point for me. As the kids and I sat around the table, Johnathan (my yr old) got the little 2 boys to hold hands and to get the rest of us to hold hands. As we started to say what we were thankful for, it really made me think...
I have soo much to be thankful for... I really do. BUT, I've also shed more tears than I thought I would this year with everything that i've lost.
As i reflect back on this year this is what i have lost:
May 8th, 2015 John and I were in our motorcycle accident.May 23rd, 2015 I lost my Daughter Alexandria to suicide.March 12th, 2016 John lost his life to the injuries he sustained in the accident. September 19th, 2016 I lost my (Step) Mom due to cancer.But yet, i get up every day, put a smile on my face, and face the world like a Boss. A friend of mine posted to my facebook wall...
..." you look like you are getting younger....but last year was a year that would have aged Miley Cyrus to where she would look like Betty White....you look like you not only survived it but thrived in spite of it. Whatever you are doing, keep doing it......"
This made me giggle, but when i re-read it, its the TRUTH. BUT, I still help folks when i can (i was able to donate $5 to my favorite Charity - Shriners Childrens Hospital). I still work my business and help women (and men) get gifts for their loved ones for the Holidays. I still smile under all of this pain. I cry behind closed doors (muffle the sounds so the kids don't here me.) I do what i can to make my kids happy.... even though i hurt & am in so much pain... the you can't see it, you will never see it. (unless you read my blog).
I don't want pity, i don't want to make anyone feel sorry for me... I want everyone to know that this is the SILENT KILLER that took my Daughter. Its a struggle that I will deal with for the rest of my life. I WILL win, because I'm all that my kids have.
I may not have a huge house.
I may not make a lot of money.
I may not be famous.
I may not be influential.
I may not be "normal".
I may not be "your cup of tea".
I may not have a brand new car.
I may not have friends that hang out with me.
I may not have people i can rely on for support.
I may not have everything, BUT i'm everything to MY KIDS.
They are the reason i fight, they are the reason I get up every morning and face the day. I work my business like a dog, cause this is the ONLY way to get ahead. This is how i make my money to support them.
The funny thing is, i've lost more "friends" during this time than i ever thought could be possible. I've had people tell me "your stupid for doing Younique, its NOT a real job". or "you wasted money on makeup". Or my favorite one yet..."no one can support their family on makeup sales".
Well, this is my thoughts for today... my heart hurts & is broken...
